"Hello, my absolutely beautiful potential suitors, my name is Eebit... ...and I will be your host, as well as the ultimate prize in this spectacle that shall forever be known as the single greatest event to ever doth occureth within thine universe of universes: the Faces of Eebit Tournament of Tournaments!" Every fiber of your being is filled with an effervescent sensation as your host and charming bachelor Eebit Tibee speaks into his microphone, dressed in as suave and sophisticated a manner as you could have imagined based off of hearing his soothing and intensely lust-inducing voice over the phone during your one-on-one interview for the position as one of the contestants in his ultimate show just one night before. Before you could even have proper time to fully react, his most trusted advisers were visiting your house in the dead of the night and whisking you off to the Land of Cherished Moments, within which, at the highest most peak, the Tower of Eebit did stand in all of its radiant majesty. When you first walked through the tower's twenty-foot-tall doors, you weren't sure what to expect. All that you knew was that, whatever you were about to face within the tower, that it would be more than even your wildest dreams could ever possibly fathom-- and yes, all of that and more was proven to you the second that you stepped foot into the tower, with nothing more than a few yards separating you from what you knew was the most alluring man on the planet. Men and women alike, regardless of orientation, were deeply attracted to him in a manner that no other man could emulate. Not even Dracula with his natural charm, wit, and powers of compulsion could resist the power of Eebit in the end once he had found him and kept him as his pet in his chambers. Beyond all manner and means, you were attracted to him like nothing else, and you didn't care who knew. All of your closest family and friends even had to stave off their own jealous desperacy for Eebit to congratulate you on the opportunity. You think back to them for only a moment, knowing that they are watching back home, salivating for the shining golden locks and eyes bluer than Moon River that the young beauty maintains so perfectly. The smirk on your face is simply impossible to take off at this point- you're the one with the opportunity here, and you will do absolutely anything to be the single person that he chooses to be his one and only. Eebit disappears out of thin air as quickly as he had appeared, as if he contained some sort of sexy magic that allowed him to switch from place to place as quickly as he usually would switch from person to person. But now, he had to buckle down and really find one true love, which he knew had to be one of the seven people he had hand-chosen for the Trials of Eebit just the night before. Before he leaves, he tells you this: "Kumquats." What this necessarily means, you honestly do not know, but you keep good mental note of it because, hey, it was the glorious one who said it. Once he departs, the room fades to black, only to have its light restored but a moment later, revealing the entirety of the Tower of Eebit's main floor. To the right, there is situated a door with a sign encased in gold reading "Bikini Lounge." You smile, knowing from the phone call that you could receive Eebot .007 massages there, though you truthfully are just waiting for the eventual massage by the one and only true Eebit in the flesh. Though the Eebots were exact likenesses of him, you know in your heart that their mechanical endowments can never equate to the real thing. Suddenly, one of the Eebots- this one dressed up just like Michael Jackson in his Smooth Criminal music video, but with a smiling purple flower pen set in his coat pocket because yes -approaches you. He urges you to follow him, which you do steadfastly, and you find yourself in the main lobby. "Please do make yourself at home," the smoove Eebot says with a wink. "If you need anything, please do not be afraid to ask. My model was designed to accomodate!" There goes another wink. Your knees buckle. The Eebot chuckles, informing you further that "The Trials of Eebit will begin momentarily; we're just waiting for the minimum amount of participants to be guided to the lobby much like yourself. In the mean time, make yourself at home, love. Care for a drink of cider? Cotton candy tea, perhaps? Whatever you like, I am ready to serve." You take a look around pretty quickly, taking note of the restroom facilities nearby, as well as televisions broadcasting past news reports featuring Eebit throughout the facility, as well as an episode of the recently resurrected Rugrats featuring Eebit as its main character, and Eebit's live showing at the recent Lollapalooza with Mumford & Sons, J.K. Rowling, Montel Williams, Yo-Yo Ma, and himself singing "The Weight", which got the audience swooning and drunk off of their love. For now, however, you choose to sit back in one of the many heart shaped lounge chairs available for you at the center of the lounge, thinking to yourself with a dopey smile, "I could get used to this very easily..."