The Haunted Smash Mansion - A Halloween Super Smash Bros Fic!

Hey everyone! Been a while since I wrote some good old fashioned fanfiction, huh? Well, the wait is over! Since October is upcoming, I'm gonna treat you all to a Super Smash Bros fic with a Halloween theme!

...Oh, but before you ask, this was all typed on my iPod Touch (I gots a PlainText app that's PERFECT for this stuff ), so expect other stories besides this to come along. ^_^ This story is quite delightfully random, so don't be TOO surprised. It features all the Smash Bros characters (whom are referred to as the 'Smashers') living under one roof. Let's see what happens, shall we? (This is only the first part. Future parts will come later on as Halloween approaches.)

P.S. For simplicity's sake, I'll make all the characters who usually don't speak English (ie. Pokemon, Yoshi, Kirby) talk in said language; it just makes it more story-convenient (plus, I'm lazy xP). Mr. G&W, however, will remain indecipherable. Even I have no clue how he could be understandable beyond beeps and bops.

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Spoiler

The Haunted Smash Mansion (Part 1)​

The Smash Mansion. Long has it stood, as a place where the legendary fighters--collectively known as the Smashers--gather. What do they do? Obviously, they fight! What, were ya too slow to figure that out on your own? Whatever...

This mansion was, and is, truly massive. It has to be, otherwise, there would be no room for not only the Smashers, but for the items, extra people, and helper Pokemon (which were all stored in the many basement floors). It must've costed a fortune to make this place... But, I digress.

Anyhow, this was the place where the Super Smash Bros Tournament has been held thrice already. A new tournament has been announced, yes, though no one can say for certain when. The master of the mansion, er... Master Hand, has been tight-lipped about it. It's a figure of speech of course, since he doesn't actually have... Oh, forget it! Sheesh...

Things were pretty normal at the mansion one day, business as usual. It was near the end of October, so the Smashers were about ready to celebrate Halloween. Naturally, in one of the rooms, the decor had to be put up first...

"...No no no, Link, you're doing it all wrong!" one of the Smashers, a yellow mouse Pokemon named Pikachu, said scoldingly at another Smasher, a swordsman in green garments with a pointy hat and ears named Link. "It should be a little bit lower that THAT!"

Link, whom was standing on a tall stepladder and holding out a decoration to the wall, shot a sideways glare at him. "Well, excuuuuuuuuuse me, Pikachu! Maybe YOU would like to come up here and do this instead?"

"Get real, Link!" the mouse Pokemon retorted, "I can't do it, I'm way too small! That's why you're doing the work, and I'm coordinating you! We form a critical team, you and I!"

"Oh, really? Then why are lounging in that chair sipping orange soda, huh?!"

Pikachu shrugged. "I'm doing all the brainwork, it's pretty exhausting, wouldn't you know..."

The Hylian faced the wall, grumbling. "...'Exhausting', my a--"

"What was that?"

"N-Nothing..."

Link, though angry at the mouse, decided to continue with his task. Anything to get it over with, he figured. He found a slightly lower position on the wall for the decoration, a pumpkin-shaped paper ornament that matched the many others on the wall, and with his other hand grabbed a hammer and nail to fasten it to the wall. "...How's this?"

Pikachu tilted his head, thinking. "Mmm... A little lower than that."

Link leaned down more, finding an even lower position. "Here?"

"Lil' lower..."

He reached down further, almost to where his arm was fully outstretched. "Now?"

"Not yet, just a bit lower."

Link reached even further down... "Here?"

"Naw, just a teensy bit lower..."

Even further down... "Ugh, now...?"

"Almost, just an itty-witty-bit left."

The Hylian reached as far as he could down from where he was on the ladder, making the whole thing lean dangerously. "Nrgh... Here? Please...?"

Pikachu shook his head. "Not yet! Just a micro-inch more is all!"

With a groan, Link reached even farther down, causing the ladder to lean even more precariously, until... "H-How's---AAAAAUGH!!"

CRAAASH!

With a deafening noise, the ladder fell over and crashed to the floor, crushing Link underneath it. All the other decorations in the room were upset and fell to the floor, throwing the room into complete disarray.

Pikachu did a spit-take. "OH MY ARCEUS!" he shouted, and rushed over to the ladder. Link was pinned underneath the ladder, and his arms and legs were sticking up into the air, twitching.

The Pokemon put a paw over his mouth, gasping. "That's... That's... PERFECT!" Pikachu ran to the wall (and incidentally right on top of the fallen ladder the Hylian was crushed under), his eyes on the ornament that Link was still holding in his hand, which was still put up against the wall. "That's the perfect spot to put the decor! I can be such a genius sometimes..."

Pikachu quickly swiped the hammer and nail from the crushed Link's other hand, then proceeded to hammer the ornament to the wall. He took a step back, admiring the ornament and doing that "framing" thing with his paws like a photographer or something would do. "...Yes! The perfect place for a Halloween ornament! Subtle... But effective."

At that moment, the Pokemon Trainer (who is, because people like the author are sick and freaking tired of writing 'Pokemon Trainer' all the time, often called Red) and Meta Knight walked into the room, wondering what was going on.

"Hey," Red exclaimed, "what the heck is going on here? We heard this loud noise and--HOLY SWEET SON OF A DITTO, LOOK AT THAT!" The trainer dashed over to where Pikachu was standing, and gasped in an amazed fashion. "Th... That ornament... It's perfect!! The perfect place for it to hang on the wall! Subtle, but effective!"

"Hey, I was thinking the same thing, too! It's great, huh?" Pikachu said, smiling broadly.

Red nodded in agreement and excitedly replied, "Yeah, totally!"

Meta Knight just stared at the scene blankly, slowly carrying his gaze full circle around the trashed room before looking at the spot where Pikachu and Red were excitedly staring at. '...And here I was, thinking somebody was injured,' he thought, shaking his head.

Then he noticed that someone was crushed under the collapsed ladder, Link to be precise, and the others were totally unawares, even though they were practically standing right on top of him. 'Well, at least my intuition still serves me well, it seems,' Meta Knight thought. 'But how are those idiots not even aware...?'

"Yo, M.K.!" Red called out, "You gotta come see this! It's AWESOME!"

Meta Knight sweatdropped. "I... must kindly decline," he said after brief hesitation, and turned to walk away. '...Morons...'

As the Galaxia-wielder walked back into the hall, he passed by another Smasher, the Aura Pokemon Lucario. "...What's eating you?" Lucario asked, and Meta Knight only muttered in response, "You don't want to know..."

Meta Knight walked off, and Lucario, curious, took a peek inside the room. There was both Red and Pikachu, somehow amazed and awed by a simple ornament hanging on the wall, while everything else was completely trashed. They were even standing on top of a fallen ladder that was crushing... Well, you know by now, don't you?

The Aura Pokemon ceased looking and blinked confusedly. Then he looked into the room again, then blinked again. Without saying anything, Lucario started walking away from the room as calmly as possible and thinking repeatedly, 'I saw nothing... I saw nothing...'

He certainly didn't hear nothing though. Noises and voices became clearly audible thanks to his highly sensitive ears. "Oh, Link!" the voice of Pikachu was heard saying. "You're finally awake! You gotta see this ornament!"

"Yeah!" Red concurred. "It's super cool! The position is just so perfect!"

"You see, Link? Thanks to my brilliant positioning deductions, I was able to discover the perfect spot for this pumpkin ornament! Aren't you glad that you helped out somewhat?"

"Glad... GLAD?!" a furious voice shouted, clearly Link's, "I'm really pissed right now! Your 'brilliant deductions' are the reason I was nearly crushed to death!!"

"Psh, lighten up," Pikachu said casually, "it's no big deal. After all, we set up the decor in the end, right?"

"BUT MOST OF IT WAS TORN DOWN BECAUSE OF YOU!"

"...So?"

"...grrrr.... Grrrrr..."

"Um... Link?" Red asked nervously. "You okay?"

"Rrrrrrgh...!!"

"Uh-oh, Red, let's bail!"

"RRRRRGH!!!"

"Eeeeeeeek!"

Like lightning, Lucario saw Pikachu dash out of the room, quickly shouting "ThanksLinkbutIgottagobye!" and was gone in a flash. Red followed soon after, holding his arms up and screaming, "Pikachuuuuuuu!! Wait for meeeeeeeeeee!!"

Link, badly bruised and bandaged, chased them both from the room and down the hall opposite from where Lucario was standing. Clutching his sword with both hands and holding it like an axe over his head, he clearly had murderous intent.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU BOTH 'TIL YOU'RE DEAD!!" Link yelled at the top of his lungs, and chased the hapless trainer and Pokemon through the halls.

Lucario didn't move an inch. He was in too much shock. Sweatdropping, he muttered to himself, "I'm surrounded by complete psychopaths..."

----

Elsewhere in the mansion...

Lucas, a blond boy with PSI powers from Tazmily Village, sat quietly on his dorm room bed. His roommate and friend Ness had told him to wait here, since he had a "surprise" for him. Though, Lucas could not even begin to imagine what kind of surprise this would be...

Bored, and a bit nervous about the quietness around him, he got off the bed and started walking for the door.

"OBJECTION!"

With a crash, the door swung wide open, knocking Lucas backwards and sending him flying onto the bed. "Owww..." he moaned, rubbing his head in pain, then looked at the open doorway and gasped.

Standing in the doorway, was the PK kid from Onett, Ness. But, for some reason, he was wearing a blue business suit instead of his usual striped t-shirt. Even odder, he wasn't even wearing his hat like he normally did! His hair was made spikier with some hair gel, making him bear a weird resemblance overall to...

"Hey, Lucas!" Ness exclaimed, grinning ear to ear. "What do you think of my Halloween costume, huh?"

"..." Lucas was silent.

Ness continued talking regardless. "And how about the 'objection!' thing, huh? I totally nailed that voice, huh? Huh huh huh?"

"..." Lucas's eye twitched.

"Geez, it took ages to find a suit like this that could fit me, I had to have it custom-made in the end y'see, but it was totally worth it!"

"...Ness..."

"So whaddaya think, Lucas? Huh? Well, Lucas? Huh? Huh huh huh? Well? How is it?"

Lucas gently slapped himself, and started chuckling. "...Ness, you... Heh... You dressed up as...that lawyer person, Pheonix Wright?"

"Ohh, yeah! Sweet right? Check this out..." Ness stomped a foot and shot a pointing finger at Lucas in an overly dramatic fashion, then yelled, "OBJECTION!"

Crickets were heard chirping after that.

"...Heh... Heh heh... Ness?" Lucas asked, still chuckling. "Is this about that time when I beat you in that one match and you said that I was cheating so much that you should have me sued?"

Ness thought for a moment. "Hmmm... I might remember that, but this hasn't got anything to do with that occurrence. You totally were cheating though."

"Hey, c-come on! I can't help it if my attacks are unfairly tough, they're just part of my moveset!"

"OBJECTION!"

"W-will you stop doing that?!"

"No. Who even chose to make them part of your moveset, anyway?"

"Umm... Nintendo?"

"Hah, don't be ridiculous, that's just a myth, like Crazy Hand's uncle."

"He-He has an UNCLE?"

"Allegedly. He says his name's Psycho Hand but no one believes him. ...Well, they don't believe the part where Psycho's a convicted killer, arsonist, evil mastermind... and the world's most notorious polka singer."

Lucas's jaw dropped.

"...Well, like I said, it's a myth," Ness concluded, crossing his arms and closing his eyes.

"Uh... J-just... Just take off that costume already! You look ridiculous!"

Eyes snapping open, Ness shot an offended glare at Lucas. "Me? Ridiculous? Please. TONS of people cosplay as him, so why can't I be him for Halloween? Even YOU would admit that it's at least better than my LAST costume, last year?"

Lucas thought back to then...

~~~

"Hey, Lucas! Check out my costume!"

"WH-WHAT THE-- NESS, YOU DRESSED UP AS ME?!"

"It was either you or that retard, Popo."

"I bet his parka would look good on you though."

"You think so?"

No, not THAT one!

"Hey, Lucas! Check out THIS costume!"

"...You dressed up as a potato?"

"Don't say you don't love French fries."

NO! The other one!

"Lucas! Lucas! Check out my NEW costume!"

"...Any particular reason you dressed up as Lyn?"

"To screw around with Marth. Why?"

What the hell? Not THAT!

"Yo, Lucas!" *takes sip of coffee* "Guess who I am now!"

"...Godot? Seriously?"

"Yeah! He gets to drink coffee all the time!" *has another sip* "And act like a badass doing it!" *sips again*

"Ness, I don't think that's any good for your health..."

"Oh yeah? I don't need YOUR lip! TAKE THAT!" *tosses cup at Lucas' head*

"AAAUUUUUUUGGH! WHY DID YOU THROW YOUR COFFEE ALL OVER MY FACE?!"

"Didn't you ever play Trials & Tribulations? It's a thing he does." *takes sip out of another cup*

"IT BURNS! GODDAMMIT THIS CRAP IS PRACTICALLY MELTING MY FACE OFF!"

"Meh, wuss." *sips*

~~~

Lucas shivered. "I can still feel the burns..." he muttered under his breath, gently caressing his temples. "B-But whatever! I thought we agreed no more Ace Attorney references! The coffee was the final straw, Ness! The last straw!"

"You're such a crybaby, Lucas," Ness said, shaking his head with disdain.

Lucas turned red with anger. "Q-Quit saying that I am! I got over that phase years ago! Why does everything think of me like that anyway?"

"...Stereotypical personality?" Ness offered, then shrugged. "Everyone seems to think I'm some nice kid who saved the world once from a scary alien, while I'm actually just a regular boy with self-esteem issues... that once saved the world from a scary alien."

"...Self-esteem issues?"

"I'd rather not talk about it. I've done ENOUGH therapy..."

"...Whatever! Just take off that costume already! Lawyers are boring!"

"No way! Wright is awesome! And besides, I... kinda wanna... be a lawyer like him too, someday..."

"Wha...? You... wanna... Hee... be a... AHAHAHAHA!" Lucas burst out laughing, and started rolling on the floor. "HAHAHA! YOU WANNA BE A LAWYER! HOW DUMB IS THAT, AHAHAHA!!"

Ness frowned. "H-Hey... So what if I have dreams to aspire to? Stop laughing at me..."

"AHAHAHAHA! THATS RICH! A LAWYER! HAHAHAHA!"

"S-Stop it..."

"AHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Ness, thoroughly insulted, sulkingly pulled his red baseball cap out of his backpack and slipped it on his head. "...Fine, I'll get a different costume... Killjoy."

Lucas was still laughing even after Ness left, but soon got ahold of himself. "Hee... Oh, that Ness is a barrel of laughs sometimes... Uh... Why was I laughing again...?"

Shrugging off the thought, Lucas went over to the other side of the room to the mini-fridge, and took a juice box out of it. "Mmm... 100% Concentrate..." he mumbled in a satisfied way, taking generous sips.

"Hey Lucas," a voice suddenly said from behind him, "is this one any better?"

Lucas blinked, confused. "Ness?" he said wonderingly, and turned around to face who was talking. He froze.

A hideous, disgusting face with leering red eyes, slimy green skin, and huge, pointed fangs was staring Lucas dead in the eye.

The PK kid stood frozen with fear for about five seconds, then his eyes rolled back into his head and he fell backwards with a thud, fainted.

The "monster" stood there silently, then removed its mask. Turns out, it was just Ness, wearing a scary monster mask.

Ness looked at the partially unconscious Lucas, who was gurgling with foam coming out of his mouth, and smirked. "Maybe this one was a bit... much?" he said, snickering devilishly.

-------

Kirby's Room

The pink ball of cuteness from Dream Land, Kirby, was quietly laying on his bed, doodling some pictures for Halloween. He innocently hummed a happy little tune while doing so, smiling in his usual cute way.

Suddenly, there was a light knocking on the door. Wondering who it was, Kirby looked at the door and asked, "Who is it?"

"It's me! Pichu! Can I come in?"

Kirby squealed with delight. "Pichu! Oh, yay! You're here! Sure you can come in!" he said in a very childlike voice.

The door swung open, and the tiny mouse Pokemon, Pichu, stepped into the room. Pichu was a contender in the Melee tournament many years back, but chose to stay at the mansion since he already made many friends, like Kirby for example. Master Hand was kind enough to let him stay, though he pretty much had no choice (a large, floating, god-like manifestation of creation can only take so many beatings from the friends of the aforementioned Pokemon).

"Hi Kirby!" Pichu said excitedly. "Can you believe Halloween is almost here?"

"I know!" Kirby replied, smiling broadly. "I love Halloween soooo much! There's the candy, and the feast, and the candy... And the feast... And the candy... Yum..." Kirby started to drool as he said this.

"Yeah... It's great!" Pichu said, jumping onto the bed, then noticed what Kirby was drawing. "Ooh, whatcha drawin'?"

Kirby sat up and held the drawing in front of him. "It's for Halloween, I drew a jack-o-lantern! Lookit!"

Pichu looked at the drawing, and gasped with amazement. "Wow, that looks wicked! I wish I could draw that good..." In actuality, the drawing was a crudely drawn orange circle with a smiley face on it and a green thing on top. It looked like a three-year old had drawn it.

"You really think I'm good artist...?" Kirby asked, eyes glowing with joy.

"Yep yep!" Pichu said, nodding. "All I can draw is stuff like this..." The tiny mouse Pokemon took out a piece of paper with a drawing, and showed it to Kirby. Unlike Kirby's drawing, this one was a well-defined and rather beautiful landscape picture. To call it a "masterpiece" would be an understatement.

Even so, Kirby gave Pichu a sympathetic look. "Oh, that's too bad. But don't worry, buddy! Just keep trying! You'll get good someday!"

"You really think so, Kirby...?"

"I KNOW so! 'Cause you're my bestest friend in the whooooole wide mansion!"

"Aww, thanks a bunch, friend! Hug?"

"Yay! Hugs!"

After some lengthly too-cute-to-watch hugging...

"So what are you gonna do for Halloween?" Pichu asked.

"Trick-or-treating of course!" Kirby replied, holding up a pumpkin-shaped basket for candy and grinning. "What about you?"

The Pokemon giggled mischievously. "I'm gonna go around the mansion and scare everybody! Like this: RAWR!"

"Eek!" Kirby squealed, throwing the pumpkin basket in the air, which momentarily landed back on top of his head, open-end down so it looked like he was wearing it for a hat. "Wow, that was great! You'd scare anyone with that!"

"Heehee! Thanks!"

"No problem! Oh, I just can't wait for Halloween to get here! It's my favorite holiday! Well, besides Thanksgiving! Or Christmas..."

Pichu started shivering with anticipation. "Oooh... I just can't contain myself anymore!"

"Neither can I!"

"Let's shout it out loud!"

"Okay!"

Both Pichu and Kirby took a deep breath, and then...

"Yaaaaaaaaay!! Halloweeeeeeeeen!!" both exclaimed at the top of their little lungs, overjoyed at the overall prospect of the holiday.

-------

In the next room over...

The blue-haired swordsman, Marth, was currently busy with the building of a house of cards--the largest one probably ever made!

"Okay..." he muttered to himself, carefully taking a card in each hand and preparing to make the final addition to his creation, "I'm almost there... It took me all week, but I'm almost there... Just one more stack... And I'd have done it... The biggest house of cards I've ever made! Careful now..."

Marth carefully placed the cards at the top of the pyramid shaped structure, and aligned them even more carefully. "Nearly there... This needs to be perfect... No noises or distractions... Yes... Almost--"

"Yaaaaaaaaay!! Halloweeeeeeeeen!!"

"AAAH!!"

Cruelly, the well-made house of cards is incredibly sensitive. But luckily, the noise that made Marth briefly lose focus wasn't quite enough to cause the structure to crumble, thereby ruining a perfectly good comedic opportunity.

"...Whew, that was close," Marth said relieved, wiping sweat from his brow, "I figured that could've been a sick and cruel attempt at comedy... Well, no sense worrying about that now." He readied the cards again to put on top of the stack. "Okay... Careful, now... Don't screw this up... Careful... No distractions or destruc--"

"HEEEEEEELLLLLP MEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"I'M TOO SMALL AND CUTE TO GET CHOPPED IN HALF!"

"YOU GUYS ARE SO DEAD! YOU HEAR ME?! DEAD!! YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE!"

Marth stepped back from the house of cards, so that his shock wouldn't knock it over. "Wh-What the hell is going on out there?!"

"HERE! HIDE IN HERE!"

"R-RIGHT!"

"HEY! DIDN'T I SAY YOU COULD RUN BUT YOU CAN'T-- OH, FORGET IT!"

'Hide where? Wait... Oh no--'

The door to the Marth's room suddenly burst open, and both Red and Pikachu came dashing inside, straight past Marth... and right through his house of cards. "MY MASTERPIECE!! NOOOOOOOOO!!"

The two intruders didn't care about the blue-haired swordsman whatsoever. They were a bit more concerned about the green-tunic-wearing swordsman currently chasing them. In desperation, they both huddled in a corner, whimpering. "He-He-He'll never find us n-now!" Pikachu said, though he barely seemed confident about that.

And that was only natural, as Link soon appeared at Marth's doorway and immediately caught sight of the two fugitives. "I'VE GOT YOU TWO NOW!"

"Or I could be wrong!" Pikachu squealed, correcting himself before Link stomped past a still shocked Marth and up to them before grabbing both Red and Pikachu by the necks and holding them up off the floor.

"Hah... Hah hah... Hahaha! Now that I've got you two right where I want you," Link said in a darkly voice as he hoisted the whimpering Smashers into the air, "I'm going to FREAKING MUR--"

"AAAAAUUUGH!! YOU MONSTERS DESTROYED MY LABOR OF LOVE!!"

"...Huh?"

Link turned around to see who else was shouting, still holding Red and Pikachu (whom, despite being held on to by their necks, also turned to look), and stiffened up.

Marth was giving the three intruders the most icy, soul-piercing stare he could manage, and his eye was twitching. He looked SO angry, his whole body was trembling. Red, from his limited view of being almost strangled, noticed that Marth had his sword drawn, which was glowing bright blue, and gulped.

"Do you three IDIOTS realize what you have DONE?!" Marth shouted, startling the three.

A long "Uhhhh..." from all three followed afterwards.

It was a while before someone spoke, and it was Pikachu who did in the end. "Er, Link is trying to commit double-homicide in the sanctity of your dorm, and you'll hopefully save us?"

"NO!" Marth snapped. "You three imbeciles... You... Just look at that!" He pointed the still-glowing sword at a large pile of playing cards on the floor. "What is that?! ANSWER!"

"Uh..." Red stammered, being able to speak clearer since Link had loosened the grip on his neck. "A... pile of cards?"

"Correct! And WHAT are they used for?!"

"Well... I play games like Texas Hold 'Em and Old Maid on Saturdays with cards like that..." Link offered.

"BESIDES THAT!"

"Ooh, magic tricks?" Pikachu suggested hopefully.

"NO!"

Red thought for a moment. "Oh, well, I used to make houses of cards when I was a little squirt back in Kanto. Never was good at it though..."

"Yes! Exactly! And can you guess what that sad pile of cards USED to be?!"

"Um, a house of cards...?" Link said uncertainly.

"Right! But as you can see, IT WAS MERCILESSLY DESTROYED! By who, pray tell?"

"Uh... Maybe it was you? You made a mistake perhaps?" Pikachu said with a straight face.

A vein popped on Marth's forehead. "GRRR, NO!" he yelled fiercely, "IT WAS YOU! YOU, YOU, YOU! YOU THREE BARBARIANS KILLED MY PRECIOUS HOUSE OF CARDS!!"

"We killed..." Link began.

"...a house..." Red continued.

"...of cards? How the hell do you do that?" Pikachu finished, confused.

"YOU KNOCKED IT ALL DOWN, AND THEN STOMPED OVER IT WITH YOUR FILTHY, DISGUSTING FEET!"

Link looked down at his boots, lifting them up so he could see the soles. "...I can't help it if I always wore the same boots for the last several years..."

"My shoes were given to me by my mommy..." Red simpered, sniffling.

Pikachu looked at his own feet, and decided not to say anything.

"GIVE ME A VERY GOOD REASON WHY I SHOULD NOT RUN YOU ALL THROUGH LIKE A VEGETABLE SHISKEBOB!"

"Because... we'll taste terrible?" Red said, grinning sheepishly.

"..." Marth said nothing more, besides more hate-filled glaring and threatening gestures with his sword. Finally, he looked at the floor and grumbled, "Get out..."

"Umm... What was that?"

"Get out. Now." The way Marth said it was quite unsettling, like he was about ready to start decapitating people with his sword.

Link started to slowly sidestep towards the door. "Yeeeeeeeah... Well, it looks like you have a lot of work to do so I'm just gonna get out of your hair and murder these two idiots somewhere else."

"Uh, yeah! We're just gonna go get murdered somewhere else--" Pikachu realized what he was saying. "...Wait a minute, that didn't sound good..."

"I was thinking the same thing..." Red muttered, gulping. "...Um, help?"

Link managed to slowly make his way to the door, but before leaving said to Marth, "Uh, Marth, I hope you can forgive us for intruding and wrecking your card-thing, so, um, I guess we'll be go--"

"JUST GET THE [BEEP!] OUT OF MY ROOM ALREADY!" Marth screamed, and Link quickly dashed outside and slammed the door shut. The Hylian began panting, along with the idiots--I mean Red and Pikachu, still in his grasp.

"Th-That was close..." he said, panting still, and the two others muttered agreements.

"Hey, L-Link," Red asked, still struggling against Link's grip, "how can lift us both so easily?"

"These golden gauntlets I'm wearing," Link replied, smirking devilishly. "With 'em, I can lift pillars of stone, push huge rocks or even, in this case, rip a certain kid in two..."

The color drained from Red's face. "Y-You wouldn't..."

"Try me," Link grumbled, putting his face right up to Red's so as to intimidate him.

Red gulped deeply, shuddering. Suddenly, he had a plan. He was just in the right position to... 'It's all or nothing!' he thought, steeling himself. And with that, he gave a hard kick. Thwack!

"Auck...! Rr...Right in the rupees..." Link moaned, doubling over in pain. At once, he released his grip on his two captives, then fell onto his side in a fetal position.

"Yes! It worked!" Red cheered, fist-pumping the air.

Pikachu gave the Pokemon Trainer a look. "Dude... That was a low, low, dirty, rotten move," he said with a straight face. "...And I like it! Nice one, Red!"

"Thanks! I saw it on TV once! Now then, RUN!!"

Both Pikachu and Red took off blazing down the hall, while Link staggered back to his feet, clutching his 'delicate parts'. "You... You bastards!" he shouted weakly. "That was a dirty rotten trick... Ow... Just wait until I... Ugh... Pain..."

Cursing and swearing vehemently, Link awkwardly hobbled down the hall after the two.

------

Passing through the hall at the time were the Mario Bros., Mario and Luigi, who were talking about something else completely unrelated when Red and Pikachu zipped by. "What in the--" Mario started to say, then saw Link staggering past them, holding his crotch for some reason, and chose to remain silent.

When the three soon passed out of sight, both plumbers looked at each other and decided not to comment on the matter.

"Anyway," Mario began, "where-a were those crates of decor for the Halloween celebration again, eh?"

"M-Master Hand said they were in the basement..." Luigi replied.

"Brother, there are-a HUNDRED basement levels, at the least! Which one was it?"

Luigi thought for a moment. "Uh... It was B-13, the Holiday Occasions storage... I think..."

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's-a go!" Mario said, and dashed down the hall.

"M-Ma-Mario! W-Wait for me!" Luigi exclaimed, and ran after his brother.

The green-clad plumber finally caught up with Mario, at the mansion's main elevator. "Is this really the only elevator for the whole mansion?" Luigi asked as his brother pushed the button to call the elevator.

"Unfortunately, yes," Mario replied, shrugging his shoulders, "that's-a why Master Hand made it so big. He's-a too cheap to buy a lot of elevators so he installed stairs instead. Plus he said that we are-a needing the exercise."

"Huh." was Luigi's only response.

The door for the elevator finally opened, and both plumbers gasped. Somehow, the elevator, which was the size of a tennis court inside, was occupied by a legion of Waddle-Dees and Waddle-Doos!

"Oh, don't mind us," one of the Waddle-Dees said, "we're just on our way down to get the decorations."

"Wait a second," Mario interrupted, "I thought WE were-a supposed to do that!"

"Actually bro, um... Master Hand told King Dedede to help us too after you left the room..." Luigi pointed out.

"Yeah, that was the plan," the same Waddle-Dee said, "but our great King was... Um... Busy, so he told us to handle it for him."

"That-a figures..." Mario mumbled under his breath.

"In any case," a Waddle-Doo (wearing a sailor hat for some odd reason) said, "just come on board mateys! You're going to B-13, right?"

Mario and Luigi nodded. "Yes, we are-a indeed." "Uh... Yeah."

The plumbers walked into the elevator, making way through the crowd of Dees and Doos until they were in the middle. The creatures only made it to about the bros' waists, so they clearly stood out from the pack. A few of the Waddle-Dees and Waddle-Doos looked up at the Mario bros and marveled, probably because of being so close to the Mushroom Kingdom Superstars themselves.

"Gooooooooing down!" a Waddle-Dee shouted cheerfully, and it pushed a button that said B-13 on the panel (there were at least a hundred or more buttons overall, something hard to grasp for a mansion like this).

The doors closed, and the elevator began to descend at high speed. Of course, the only way they could tell they were going fast was from feeling that weird sensation where you feel light as a feather and you kinda wanna throw up.

Mario wasn't affected, and seemed fairly indifferent, but Luigi soon turned a shade of green befitting his clothes. "I-I don't feel so well... Urp... Oogh..."

The Waddle-Dees and Waddle-Doos on the other hand were clearly enjoying this. "Wheeeeeeeeee!" they all cheered in unison, little arm stubs waving in the air. The only member of the crowd that wasn't cheering (besides the bros) was a lone Gordo nestled in the corner, with its usual vacant expression. '...Please ignore me,' it thought solemnly, 'I'm just a useless filler character...' and the author did just that and moved on.

After exactly 13 seconds (it seemed like 13 minutes to Luigi), the elevator stopped. They had arrived on B-13 at last. The doors of the elevator slid open, and the Waddle-Dees and Waddle-Doos filed out. Mario walked out also to follow, but Luigi was too busy being sick in the corner.

"Eww, Luigi!" Mario called back to him, disgusted by his sibling's retching. "Hurry up, there's-a work to be done!"

"C-Coming bro... Urp! Oh, nauseated... Gonna hurl... Ugh..."

After a minute of recuperation, Luigi was fit enough to walk, and left with Mario to follow the Waddle-Dee horde. The Gordo was still in the corner, only now it was covered in sick.

'...I don't mind being barfed on,' the Gordo thought blankly, 'my life is worthless anyway.'

After ignoring the worthless (and, let's face it, often annoying in the Kirby games) Gordo, the author decided to continue writing about the Mario bros' task.

"Hmm... Let's-a see here..." Mario said partially to himself, walking with Luigi and the Waddle-Dee/Doo horde along the line of holiday-related stuff. "Christmas... No... Easter... No... Fourth of-a July, no... Thanks-a-giving, no... Day of-a the Dead, no... ("Wh-What?" Luigi stammered, but was ignored.) St. Patrick's Day, no... Labor Day... Wait, that's a holiday?"

"It is for us!" the Waddle-Dees said at once, and Mario just shrugged and continued reading down.

"Cinco de Mayo... No... Columbus Day, no... Earth Day, no... Boxing Day, no... New Year's-a Eve, no... Remembrance-a Day, no..." Mario continued reading off more and more increasingly obscure holidays (including a really weird one called "Official Armpit Day", no description necessary), but could not find Halloween.

"Huh... Where's-a Halloween?" Mario asked, scratching his head in a confused manner.

Luigi looked around himself, but found nothing. "I-I don't know, bro..."

Suddenly one of the Waddle-Doos (the one wearing a sailor hat) piped up, waving a tiny arm in the air from among his peers. "Ooo! Ooo! I know where it is! I can find it!"

The Sailor-Doo (see what I did there?) rushed over to a pile of crates and started climbing over them to the other side. "They're all behind this pile of crates!" he called from afar. "I'll toss 'em all over to you!"

Mario chuckled heartily. "Oho, wait just-a minute, you'll-a need my help to carry those over-a here, let alone throw them!"

"No need! Just watch this! Rrrrrgh... YAH!"

To both Mario and Luigi's shock, a large wooden crate--a Smash Crate--was hurled from over behind the crate pile, and it landed on the floor in front of them with a massive THUD! A label on the side read "Halloween Decor - Totally not fragile, tossing is both recommended and encouraged."

Moments later, another crate flew over the pile onto the floor, followed by another. And another. And yet another. "Mama mia..." Mario muttered, jaw dropping.

The Sailor-Doo soon climbed back over the pile and stood on top, flexing its stubby little arms. If it even had a mouth, it'd been grinning with self-pride. The Waddle-Dees (and particularly the Waddle-Doos) all cheered madly, some were even whistling and hooting. The plumbers were both dumbstruck.

"H-How... How did-a he do that?" Mario asked a random Waddle-Dee.

"You don't know?" the Waddle-Dee answered. "He's a sailor! It's a general rule, you see. Sailor dudes are ALWAYS real tough. Even tougher when they eat spinach."

"Blech..." Mario groaned, just barely repressing bad memories regarding spinach...

Luigi gave a nervous chuckle. "I-I still don't believe it..."

Apparently the Sailor-Doo heard this, and quickly hopped to the floor and marched up to Luigi. Before Luigi could say anything it grabbed him by the feet and started twirling him rapidly in the air, causing a green blur.

"Help meeeeeeeeeee!!" Luigi shrieked, before the Sailor-Doo tossed Luigi several dozen feet into the air like a ragdoll. "Waaaaaaaah!"

As Luigi tumbled and soared through the air, shrieking and shouting in a comedic fashion, the Sailor-Doo held its arms forward, and casually caught the green plumber when he fell before gently placing Luigi on the floor standing up, who continued to scream in terror for about ten seconds afterwards.

"AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... Aaaaa... Uhh... I-I... Er... I'm pretty sure I believe it now... Ohh..." Luigi said quietly, staring at the one-eyed creature as if it was going to kill him.

The Sailor-Doo did no such thing however, and instead walked to one of the crates and easily hoisted it above its head, then walked to the elevator.

"Come on guys, let's do it for our King!" a Waddle-Dee shouted, and the horde of them each split into groups to lift the crates. Two were lifted and carried off, but the remaining two groups of Waddle-Dees were having some trouble with their respective crates.

Mario looked over at Luigi, who was still a bit shell-shocked from earlier, and said, "We should help-a them."

Luigi nodded vacantly, and both bros proceeded to help each group of Waddle-Dees lift the crates. Weirdly enough, they were strangely heavy. Just what kinda stuff is in these crates, anyway?

"Hey, that's what I was thinking! What ARE in these crates?" a Waddle-Dee suddenly said for no apparent reason, and the others gave him weird looks.

Mario couldn't help but sigh. "Master Hand better repay us-a good for this..." he muttered, and continued hauling the crates to the elevator.

-------

Ice Climber's Room

The blue-parka-wearing Eskimo Popo and the pink-parka-wearing Nana were currently engaged in a "casual" discussion...

"...And then he said, 'Have you played that one game yet? It's so hard!' And then the other guy replies, 'That's what SHE said!' AHAHAHA!" Popo joked, laughing hysterically, and was promptly hit in the face by an offended Nana's hammer. "SICKO!"

Wow, that was a quick one...

------

Toon Link's Room

The younger, cartoon version of Link, Toon Link, was standing idly in his room, practicing with his Wind Waker. There wasn't really much for him to do nowadays, really. Well, besides messing around with people outside (looking through the window) by changing the wind speed and direction, which was oftentimes funny as hell.

Like today for instance, Princess Peach was out for a walk with her parasol, and Toon Link instantly got a sneaky idea. With a few waves of the magical baton, the wind sharply turned the opposite way, causing Peach to fly backwards into the air because of the parasol she held.

Toon Link amused himself making the winds go every which way, watching Peach fly in and out of view, still desperately clutching onto her parasol for dear life. The Outset Island native chortled madly, wiping a tear from his eye. "Oh man, this is too easy... Just excellent..."

"Ahem, excuse me, Toon Link? May I convene with you?"

Flinching, Toon Link quickly stuffed the Wind Waker into his pocket (causing the wind outside to die down, which in turn made Peach fall to the ground with a dull thud), and did an about-face. "Uh, y-yeah, what is it?" he asked, then realized who it was. "Wh-What the... Ness? What's with the suit? And have you been using hair gel?"

Ness, in his 'Phoenix Wright' persona, stepped into the room, and nodded. "Ah, you've noticed? Yes, I'm pursuing a new career, in the legal system you see."

"A lawyer?" Toon Link asked, bewildered, and Ness nodded.

"Yes, one who defends his clients until the bitter end, always searching for the truth... Isn't it totally worthy of a movie?"

"...Uh, no..."

"In any case, I'm looking for one. A case, that is. You wouldn't happen to be in any legal trouble, would you?"

Toon Link gave Ness a bored look. "...No. And even if I was, I wouldn't hire you."

Ness frowned, and rubbed his chin. "Oh, that's a shame... Really, it is... But, if you ever need defending..."

"Not. Interested." the Outset Islander said bluntly.

"Well, that's alright. Not everyone needs help all the time. I hope you have a nice day then, sir."

"Yeah, yeah, up yours too, buddy," Toon Link commented acidly, returning his gaze to the window and taking his Wind Waker back out.

Ness chuckled innocently, then started out the door. "You and I know each other too well, Toon Link, heh heh... Too well..." When Ness stepped out the door and into the hall he pulled out his bat and silently tacked on, "...Or not well enough..."

Toon Link didn't hear that however. He fully refocused on his personal amusing, and did so for a few minutes until he heard an ominous noise. CRASH! It was the sound of something shattering.

"What the hell..." the Outset islander mumbled, and turned back to the door. At that moment, Ness passed by the door again, whistling innocently, then caught sight of Toon Link.

"Ah, Toon Link!" Ness said rather cheerfully. "Glad I caught you. I just saw that Ganondorf's priceless Gerudian Vase was broken, and someone left a note saying that YOU did it! Heh, obviously some idiot is trying to frame you! Or did you really do it? How can I tell..."

Toon Link was silent. He dropped the magical baton with a clatter, and his arms drooped to his sides and dangled limply.

"Anyway, I think it's obvious that you could use a good defense attorney! Wouldn't you agree? I knew you would. Here's my card..." Ness flipped a tiny business card into the air, which twirled and glided through the air.

The Hero of Winds held out his palm, and the card gently landed on it. The card read: "Ness, Kinda-Ace Lawyer Offices. 'We're ready to believe you!' (A nominal fee of $10000 is required per case, plus $1000 an hour)." He gave it a withering look.

"I'll see you at the Detention Center later when you're arrested, okay? Well, unless Ganondorf decides to kill you outright rather than sue you. See ya!" And with that, Ness trod off, victorious.

Toon Link continued to stare at the piece of paper in his hand for several minutes, then sighed. "I'll keep it mind..." he mumbled, depressed, and stuffed it into his pocket.

Suddenly, an angry, booming voice reverberated through the air. "WHAT?!? MY PRICELESS VASE IS DESTROYED! IT WAS A GIFT FROM MOTHER!!"

"Oh hell..." Toon Link muttered, gulping.

"WHO IS RESPONSIBLE?! WHO?! ...Wait, what is this note...?"

'Ness, you son of a b--' Toon Link cussed inside his head, but was conveniently interrupted.

"TOON LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK!!!"

The walls shook from the angry yell, which sent ice through the Outset Islander's veins. "Oh, horseshit!"

--------

Mr. Game & Watch's Room

Curiously enough, this was the only room in the whole Smash Mansion that was flat. Like, totally two-dimensional. The reason being? This was the dorm room of everyone's favorite monochrome hero, Mr. Game & Watch (also simply called G&W).

Since he only speaks in beeps, it's hard for anyone to understand him well. Well, except for R.O.B., in any case. Otherwise, he has a tough time fitting in.

Mr. G&W did little more in his room that walk side to side, occasionally fiddling with some furniture or appliances. Don't ask how he does have such items in such a flat room. The general excuse is "magic", however unbelievable it may sound.

"Beep," G&W said to himself, feeling bored, "beeeep, beep be-beep." We have no idea what he said, and honestly don't care, so we'll skip that one.

Suddenly, the Flat Zone denizen heard a distant, but loud noise. "AAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGH!!"

"Beep?" G&W said confusedly. Apparently, it sounded like someone screaming. Possibly in pain. A lot of angry, vulgar yelling accompanied this too. Sweatdropping, Mr. G&W tried to ignore the noises, but this was difficult.

Thankfully for his nerves, the intercom suddenly crackled to life. G&W perked up suddenly, interested as to what was to be announced.

--------

Command Room

"ATTENTION ALL SMASHERS!" Master Hand shouted into the PA system, "THERE WILL BE AN IMPORTANT MEETING IN THE SMASH CHAMBER IMMEDIATELY! EVERYONE MUST ATTEND, NO QUESTIONS ASKED! Thank you and have a good day."

The hand clicked off the public address system, then turned to face his brother. "So, Crazy? How was that, hm?" he asked. "Too forceful? Not forceful enough? Too loud? Not loud enough?"

Crazy Hand didn't respond, so Master Hand asked again.

"Crazy? Hello?"

Again, Crazy was silent.

"HEY! YOOHOO?"

"...WHAT?"

Sighing, Master Hand faced the main control console, and gazed wearily at the many screens and monitors.

"...You know, it's strange..." the hand muttered to himself. "It's been really quiet lately... We haven't had a quiet October in years... Usually this is the time of year that's the most violent and crazy..."

"You say my name, broooooo?"

"No, I did not. Let's have a look here..." Master pushed a button on the console, activating the mansion's security cameras.

"Yeah, it's been so unusually quiet around--" The hand stopped short, as he spotted on one of the monitors that Link was chasing Red and Pikachu down the hallways with the Master Sword, and on another Ganondorf was pummeling Toon Link into the floor, yet another screen showed Popo getting his face bashed in by Nana (though that was perfectly normal as far as Master Hand was concerned, so he skipped over it), and, most shocking of all, Ness was shown in another screen in a Phoenix Wright getup apparently extorting Captain Olimar for legal protection.

"...Well, so much for breaking tradition," the hand mumbled, shaking himself with disappointment.

Crazy caught sight of the monitors, and started hysterically laughing. "LOL, CHECK IT OUT! TOONY LINK IS TOTALLY GETTING PWNED BY THE GANONDORF GUY! AND ZOMG, IT'S PHOENIX WRIGHT! SQUEEEEEEEE!!"

"CRAZY! FOR MY SANITY'S SAKE, SHUT UP!" Master Hand yelled angrily, slapping his mentally-ill brother. "Just come with me to the meeting already, before your fanboyism makes you wet yourself!"

"Awwwwwwww! Oh, okay..." Crazy Hand mumbled sadly.

And so, with a snap of the fingers, both Master Hand and Crazy Hand teleported away, to the Smash Chamber, where the Smashers were already beginning to gather...

------

 

(For some odd reason, the first part was cropped and a large chunk was missing. Apparently the posting systems hates my uber-long story... Oh, well, I'll just post the second part (of the first part xP) now.)

------------------

Smash Chamber

The Smashers were now beginning to enter the Smash Chamber a huge area of the mansion with a giant ring-shaped table with chairs to seat at least 50 people, and with a large, dome-shaped projector in the center of it. Besides the control room, it is the most important place in the Smash Mansion.

By now, several Smashers had already arrived in the room, all of whom were wondering what was up. Some figured it was the monthly status update, which were mostly real boring since there's nothing to really report nowadays.

Mario, Luigi, and the Waddle-Dees had already brought the crates of Halloween decor up the elevator, now they were just bringing them into the Smash Chamber--since Master Hand told them to--and haphazardly tossed them in the corner. The bros took a seat, whilst the horde of super-cute minions waited by patiently for their master to arrive.

Ness soon walked inside, now wearing his normal clothing and hat, and was casually speaking with Olimar as they both walked in. "...Remember what we talked about, okay? And do think about it... If you know what's best," Ness muttered into the space captain's ear, who shivered with fear.

"Y-Yes..." Olimar replied, quickly nodding. "I'll be sure to keep it in mind... Y-Yeah..."

Ness smirked mischievously. "Ah, yes, thank you. Glad we could work something out, Mr. Olimar."

The PK kid strode away contently to his seat at the table, leaving Captain Olimar to do the same... though decidedly unhappier than Ness.

More Smashers piled into the room, including Kirby, Pichu, Ike, Dedede, Fox, Zelda, Lucas, Jigglypuff, Yoshi, among others. Toon Link arrived as well, but he was completely covered head to toe in a body cast, so he looked kinda like a mummy with a pointy green cap, and could barely walk. Gee, I wonder how THAT happened?

Red and Pikachu also ran through the room (still being chased by Link), and ran a full lap around it before exiting. A few confused Smashers spared the three a weird look as they did so (Lucario sweatdropped at the sight for obvious reasons), completely baffled. Once the three left as soon as they entered, they did not return, and were quickly forgotten.

The idle Smashers began talking among themselves, chatting about stuff. "...The winds were simply dreadful today!" Peach was heard saying, "I was minding my own business and I was carried off! Weather nowadays..."

Marth was, for some reason, crying with his head on the table in front of him. Ike tried to ask what was wrong, but Marth suddenly had an angry outburst and shouted at everyone to "[BEEP!] off!" A little afraid, the Smashers sitting nearby, Ike included, inched their chairs away from the pissed-off Altean.

Lucas was sitting at the table beside Ness, looking quite pale. The poor boy was shivering and sweating, as if he'd just seen a monst... Oh... Right.

"S'matter, Lucas?" Ness asked (stifling an ever-so-subtle chuckle). "You're as white as a... Well, as white as the snow in Winters!"

"...Muh muh... Muh muh..." Lucas mumbled softly, barely able to speak, "Muh... Mon... Mons... Monster..."

"Oh, a monster you say? Don't be silly! There's no such thing as monsters."

Lucas wasn't fit enough to even respond, he just kept sputtering "monster" over and over again, shuddering nonstop.

Across the table, Luigi was anxiously shifting in his seat. "Oh... I hope this meeting is over quickly," he muttered to himself, "there's something I really need to take care of..."

Mario noticed Luigi's mumblings, and asked, "Hey-a Luigi, what is it you are-a muttering about?"

"H-Huh? Oh, um... N-nothing... It's no big deal..." Luigi replied, looking away slightly. Mario gave him a look but decided to let it go.

Finally, both Master Hand and Crazy Hand teleported into the room with a crack, startling a few of the Smashers. "Greetings, everyone! I hope you are well... Uh?" The Hand noticed a number of Smashers either bruised, beaten, bandaged, just plain tired, or (in Lucas's case) terrified.

"...Er, in any case, Halloween is nearly upon us! Yes, the time of year of ghosts and ghouls is here! Ooh, rhyme! Ahem, well, I just wanted to tell you all something important... And something extremely... "secret"..." Both hands simultaneously made an air-quote hand signal at the word "secret".

Everyone leaned forward, suddenly interested. "Secret? What kind of... "secret"?" Falco asked, mimicking the hands' hand sign. Many others shouted in agreement.

"Well, if you're all so desperate to know the "secret"--" The hands did a airquote every time the word 'secret' was said. "--then I suppose, if you really want to, then we shall tell you this "secret". Though, be aware that this "secret" is of the utmost "secrecy" which means no one can say the "secret" outside this room! I just want you all to know that the "secret" is a "secret" between you and--"

"WE GET IT!" King Dedede shouted angrily, echoed by his Waddle-Dee horde. "The "secret's" a "secret"! Just get on wit it already, ya oversized glove!"

"...Hands have feelings too, you know," Master Hand whined, sniffling. "But fine. I'll just say it."

Everyone leaned forward even more.

Clearing his throat(?), the hand began. "Alright..."

"Yes?" everyone said eagerly, anticipation building.

"The "secret"..."

"Yes?"

"Is that..."

"Yes??"

"My brother, Crazy..."

"Yes???"

"He finally..."

"Yes?!?"

"Learned how to..."

"YES?!?"

"...go to the bathroom by himself."

Everyone fell out of their chairs with a crash, even the more serious ones like Meta-Knight.

"...WHAT!" Ike shouted, climbing back onto his chair, "THAT'S why you called us all down here?! BECAUSE THAT TWO-BIT HAND WENT TO THE BATHROOM ON HIS OWN?!"

"It was my first time!" Crazy chipped in. "AND I remembered to flush!"

The Smashers sweatdropped in unison.

"Err, well, yeah. Cut him some slack, he was born this way," Master Hand said, chuckling nervously.

Amidst the confusion, Samus chose to speak up. "...Um, but how is it even anatomically possible for him to--"

"It isn't."

"Then how--"

"Don't ask."

"..." Samus tried very hard not to imagine if and how it would be possible for a hand to... You know.

The Smashers started grumbling and complaining about the so-called "secret". "Is that REALLY the secret?!" Fox yelled angrily, drawing his blaster and pointing it at Wolf. "Because if it is, then I'll freaking kill someone!"

"I second that!" Wolf agreed, taking out his own gun and leveling it with Fox's head. "I've been waiting for this..."

"Hey, don't leave ME out of this!" Falco cut in, whipping out his blaster and aiming it at Wolf, like Fox.

"Woo, a fight's brewin'! Count me in!" Popo cheered, raising a hammer and hopping onto the table while Nana facepalmed.

Kirby and Pichu sunk lower in their seats, knowing what was coming.

"Mmmph! Mm mmph, mph!!" Toon Link said, er, mumbled angrily, but his words were totally illegible seeing as how his face was completely bandaged.

Ness slowly took out his bat with one hand and started charging PK energy with the other, while Lucas was now on the floor sucking his thumb and curled in a fetal position, murmuring "Don't let the monsters get me, mommy..." over and over.

The atmosphere was getting tense, even with Master Hand attempting to calm the Smashers. "Now now, you all just relax for a moment... I just need to say that--" he began, then was cut short when someone screamed, "FREE FOR ALL BRAWL!!"

In a millisecond, order disintegrated. The Smashers who didn't leap out of their chairs and started fighting right away either quickly backed against the wall or hid under the table.

The fists, swords, hammers, bats (and fur) were flying, with almost every Smasher looking to take a chunk out of someone else. But hey, that's just what they do.

Mario was laying a beatdown on Bowser (just like old times, eh?) with many punches, kicks, and fireballs while Peach stood on the sidelines, cheering the plumber on. But the Koopa King retaliated with several brutal clawing attacks and body slams, knocking Mario backwards, but he recovered and continued to fight his nemesis.

Sonic was whizzing about the room with ridiculous speed, taunting those who tried to keep up with him or attack him. Anticipating a move, Ness quickly whipped out his MOTHER-brand yoyo, and let it go out at least five feet beside him. Milliseconds later, Sonic ran by and tripped over the string, stumbling at 437 mph and crashing into the concrete wall. That had to hurt. "Ha! Gotcha!" Ness yelled triumphantly, before being tackled by Popo from behind and the two started having at each other.

Across the room, Dedede was ordering his personal "army" to attack any and all enemies, while at the same time pounding the heck out of random Smashers with his giant hammer. The Waddle-Dees, though incapable of combat, nevertheless obeyed. One of them started feebly pounding on Gandondorf's legs with its little arm stubs, as it wasn't tall enough to hit anywhere else.

Thinking he felt something, the King of Thieves looked down and saw the tiny Waddle-Dee trying hard to smack him in the shins. It was pretty sad, as he felt pretty much nothing. Grumbling with disdain, Ganondorf gently shook the Waddle-Dee off his leg, and it gingerly fell on the floor before shrieking and passing out. "..." Shaking his head, Ganondorf returned to the fight.

"FALCON PUNCH!!" Captain Falcon shouted, unleashing a fiery punch towards R.O.B., who quickly dodged and fired back a laser. The F-Zero pilot dodged this too, but the laser went and hit Ike, who furiously stomped towards the two and started slashing them with his sword.

"AAAAAUGH! GET THESE THINGS OFFA ME!" Marth screamed, trying desperately to throw off a group of Pikmin that latched onto him while Olimer cheered, "Go, my Pikmin! Victory will be ours!!" The Pikmin let out gibberish battle cries and continued bashing Marth with the leaves on their heads. "OWW! STOP! AAUGH! OLIMAR, YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!!"

Fox, Falco and Wolf were all taking cover at different points of the table, ducking in and out of cover taking potshots at one another. "Just stand up and let me shoot you!" Wolf shouted, firing a couple shots at the spot where Fox was taking cover under. "Never!!" both Starfox members yelled defiantly, responding with several blaster shots at Wolf's position.

Wario, feeling a bit gassy, farted, causing all those nearby to instantly faint. Somewhat embarassed, he nervously chuckled. "He he..."

In the midst of chaos, Solid Snake was staring down a Waddle-Doo that had approached him. Both did nothing other than intensely stare at the other without blinking.

"..."

"..."

"..." Snake casually lit a cigarette and started smoking it.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..." Snake tossed away his old cig and lit another one.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..." And then another.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..." Yet another.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..." And yet another.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..." Why doesn't Snake ever get lung cancer from all those smokes?

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Urk."

Finally, the Waddle-Doo fell over, unconscious.

"..." Snake tossed away his sixth cigarette. Without turning his gaze, he grabbed a C4 explosive from his belt and threw it over his shoulder.

STICK!

"Huh? What the hell is this thing on my face? ...Uh oh."

Without turning his back, Snake took out the detonator in one hand, and pushed the button.

KA-BOOM!

"OOOOOOWWWWWWWW!!"

"..." Snake took out and lit a seventh cigarette, and then casually walked away.

Toon Link, still wrapped in full body cast, awkwardly stumbled around the room, and accidentally bumped into Ness.

"What the--?" Ness blurted out, turning around.

Recognizing the voice as Ness's (he couldn't exactly "see" with all those bandages on), Toon Link started mumbling, "Mmph! Mm mmmm mmmph, mmph! (Ness! You gotta heal me, quick!)"

Rather than make sense of Toon Link's nonsensical mumblings, Ness quickly fell back on a base instinct. "HOLY [BEEP]! A MUMMY! THE DEAD HAVE RISEN!!"

"MMM MMMPH MMPH MM-- (NO WAIT STOP I'M NOT A--)"

THWACK!

Without mercy, Ness started bashing Toon Link's head in with his bat repeatedly while screaming, "DIE MUMMY! RETURN TO THE DUST OF THE EARTH LIKE THE CREEPY BATTLE TEXT SAID YOU SHOULD!"

Luigi, meanwhile, was standing fearfully in the middle of the the brawl, dodging every stray attack or laser blast fired his way. He did his best not to get involved in any fights, with minor success (as he almost got brutalized by DK before Pit diverted the ape's attention). Suddenly, Luigi felt someone tap his back. "Eh?"

Turning around, the green plumber gasped with horror. The same one-eyed creature in a sailor hat from before, the Waddle-Doo (or Sailor-Doo, to set it apart from the others), was standing there, giving Luigi a creepy, emotionless stare. "I-It's you..." Luigi muttered, shivering.

"...Ahoy," the Sailor-Doo said simply. Luigi hoped it wasn't going to do anything to him... but, he was wrong. Swiftly grabbing Luigi's legs, the Sailor-Doo started spinning him around in circles at a shockingly fast rate.

"Not agaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiinnnn!!!" Luigi screamed as he was spun around and around like a helicopter blade. Finally, the Sailor-Doo let go, tossing Luigi through the air like a rocket.

Judging from the aim, the thrower's intent was to hit Master Hand--who quickly floated to the side to avoid the green missile, so Luigi ended up colliding with the wall.

Master Hand had been trying to calm the rioting Smashers for some time now, but nothing seemed to work. "Gentlepeople!" he yelled above the cacophony of battle. "You can't fight in here, this is the Smash Chamber!"

All the Smashers suddenly froze in their efforts to maim each other, and stared at the hand weirdly (though Ness gave Toon Link another whack anyway ("MMPH! Mmmphmm! (OWW! Motherf***er!)") before looking away and whistling). No one moved for a moment, until someone yelled, "GET THE HAND!"

"..." Master Hand sweatdropped. "Yep, it's definitely October..." he muttered to himself, and the Smashers all collectively aimed their attacks at their new target.

Barely dodging the innumerable blaster shots, PK attacks, Din's Fires, and other projectile attacks from the Smashers, Master Hand shouted, "YOU FOOLS! YOU FOOLISH FOOLS! You're going to damage the upholstery if you carry on like that!" The Smashers didn't seem to care, however, as they carried on with their attacks.

Crazy Hand, who had stood (in a sense) on the sidelines for all this time, couldn't take it anymore. Without warning, he suddenly shrieked, "EVERYBODY STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAASSSSSSEEEEE!!!"

"AAAAIIIGH! WHAT IS THAT NOISE?!" many Smashers shouted, covering their ears in pain. "SOMEONE TURN HIM OFF!"

"OH, I'D LOVE TO! BUT IT WOULD SEEM I LOST THE REMOTE!" Master Hand shouted back sarcastically, and moments later Crazy thankfully stopped shouting, though most Smashers were still clutching their ears and twitching.

"Well, now that you all oh-so-kindly stopped tearing each other apart," the hand began, "I'll tell you all the REAL reason you're here."

"...Wait... Why didn't you say that EARLIER?!" a heavily beat-up Yoshi said angrily, and many others shouted in agreement.

The hand awkwardly coughed. "Well, how COULD I? Before I was going to say it, some idiot shouted 'FREE FOR ALL BRAWL' and you all started killing each other!"

"..." Popo nervously shifted his eyes side to side and quietly hid under the table.

"Anyway, I was GOING to tell you all the REAL "secret"..."

The Smashers all leaned forward. "Yeeeeeessssss?" they said expectantly in unison.

"...But I can't right now. Sorry."

"WHAAAAT?!" several Smashers yelled angrily. "That's outrageous!" Zelda exclaimed. "Why can't you tell us?"

"Well, it's just that... We're missing a few people," Master Hand confessed, "I can't give the announcement until EVERYONE is here."

Several Smashers groaned with impatience. "Well then, find them already!" Ness said with a bored look. "You can teleport people, can't you?"

"That only works when I know where they are! Otherwise, it's pointless. So no, that means you'll all have to go and search for them."

More groans were heard. "Who's 'them'?" Ike asked, unsure of who was missing.

"Link, Pikachu, and Red," Master Hand clarified, them remembered something. "Speaking of whom, I was meaning to talk to Pikachu about the decor he and Link put up in that one room... That one ornament... It's position is perfect! Subtle, but effective. I must commend those two for a job well done."

For some reason (though you might know why already), Meta Knight sweatdropped at that last statement.

"Well," the hand went on, "you all know what to do. If you're desperate to know the "secret", then someone better find those three and tell them to get their butts down here, pronto!"

No one budged.

"...Anyone?"

--------

Elsewhere...

"Phew... Phew... Keep running... Phew..." Red repeated to himself over and over as he kept running away from the psychopathic Link. He'd been running through the halls for a long time now, and took many confusing turns, so Link was very far behind.

The Pokemon Trainer stopped for a minute to catch his breath, and looked around to check his surroundings. He was at some kind of four-way intersected hallway, each way leading to God knows where.

"Hey, Pikachu," Red asked, looking down to where Pikachu was beside him, "which way do you think we should--Pikachu?"

Looking around himself, the Pokemon Trainer gulped. Pikachu was nowhere to be seen. He was all alone. "P-P-Pikachu? PIKACHU! WHERE ARE YOU?" Red called out. There was no reply. "Oh b-boy..."

Red suddenly felt a little afraid. He'd never been in this part of the mansion before, and feared he was lost. AND alone. What's worse, it was getting unnaturally dark in the halls.

'It's so d-d-dark...' Red thought, shivering, 'How can I... Hold on, I got it!' Remembering that he had Pokemon for a reason, Red called out his Charizard by throwing down its Pokéball.

In a flash of light, the orange dragon-like Pokemon, Charizard, appeared, and the halls instantly became lit because of the flame on its tail.

"Phew, that's better..." Red said, relieved. "It's not so scary in here anymore..."

"...Remind me again HOW you managed to go through that one pitch-black cave in Kanto?" the Fire Pokemon quipped. "You were shivering and sobbing after only two steps. Hehehe..."

"Sh-Shut up..." Red mumbled, depressed after recalling such a memory.

Things were quiet for a minute, until a noise was made audible from one of the hallway passages. "WH-WHAT WAS THAT!" Red squealed, jumping onto Charizard with fright. "G-Get off me..." it grumbled, and the trainer promptly did so, chuckling nervously.

Another noise was heard down the same passage, and Red yelped again. "TH-THERE IT IS AGAIN!!"

Whatever was down that hall, it was approaching them fast. Thinking just as fast, Red came up with a plan. "Th-That might be Link coming to kill me! Ch-Charizard! Ready a flamethrower down that hall! When you see something, let 'em have it!"

"Gladly..." Charizard said, flashing a mischievous grin, and started gathering up flames in preparation.

The noise was getting closer, only now it sounded like someone was running through the hall at a brisk pace. But what confused Red was the fact that the footsteps didn't sound like they were from a pair of boots. Rather, it sounded more like four tiny paws scurrying on the carpeted floor...

"REEEEEEEDDD!!"

The sudden shout was very familiar to Red. So familiar, that he shouted in reply, "P-Pikachu! Is that you?"

He got no reply however, besides a lot of panicked yelling, and the footsteps got closer and closer, rapidly increasing in pace. Finally, Red caught sight of the mouse Pokemon running down the hall towards him.

"Pikachu! It IS you! Wh-What happened--" Red cut himself off when he noticed that his Charizard was already preparing to obey his earlier command. That is, the one where it can roast anything that comes down the hallway. "W-WAIT! CHARIZARD, STOP! HOLD YOUR FIRE!"

The Pokemon Trainer quickly clamped Charizard's jaw shut to prevent him from releasing a flamethrower, then turned back to face Pikachu. Before Red could brace himself, the mouse Pokemon jumped into his arms and started stammering. He looked utterly terrified.

"R-R-R-Re-Re-Re-Red!" Pikachu stammered, trembling. "Th-Th-They t-t-t-took him! The-They g-g-g-got L-L-Link! It-It-It's th-th-the g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-"

"Whoa, whoa!" Red exclaimed. "L-Link? What's the matter? Who "took" him?"

"Gh-Gh-Gh-Gh-Gh-Gh-"

"A 'Gh'? What the heck is that, a new word for something involving cheese?"

"Gho-Gho-Gho-Gho-Gho-Gho-"

"'Go'? Go where? It's really dark in this hall... And we don't even know where we are!"

Before the shell-shocked Pikachu could go on with his gibberish, something else caught both of their attention. Looking down the darkened hall, Red could make out a trio of strange, orange mists floating in the air.

These mists slowly traveled down the hall, ominously floating until they were about two arms lengths away from the two. Red could only chuckle. "Ah, so these are the 'Ghs' you were talking about. Meh, they aren't so scary."

Pikachu seemed to get whiter and whiter every second, and his hair stood on end. "GH-GH-GH-GH-GH-GH-GH-"

"Oh, come on Pikachu. They're pretty weird, sure, but it's not like they're ghosts, right?"

"B-B-B-B-BU-BU-BUT TH-TH-TH-THEY ARE!!"

"...Aw, get real, Pikachu. You seriously expect me to believe that these orange mists are--"

Before Red could finish, the "orange mists" took on a new shape. They reformed, one by one, into a two-armed, yellow-eyed, wide-mouthed spectral entities. Commonly referred to as...

"GH-GH-GHOSTS!!" Red and Pikachu shouted in unison, both turning white with utter terror.

"Heeheeheeheeheehee!!" the ghosts cackled in unison, holding their ethereal arms towards the two, as if reaching for their souls. The trainer and Pokemon were experiencing pure, genuine horror.

"YAAAAAAARRRRRGH!!" Still cradling Pikachu, the trainer turned on his heel and dashed in the opposite direction with blazing speed, leaving the ghosts behind in a dust cloud, along with...

"..." Charizard sweatdropped as the ghosts watched his trainer bolt down the hall, then look at him. "...Well, thank you Red for leaving me behind with the ghosts," he grumbled to himself, whilst the ghosts began to cackle evilly. The three ghosts floated over to and surrounded the reptilian Pokemon, drawing ever closer, until...

"AAAAAAAAUUUUUGH!!"

A panicked scream reverberated through the halls, which slowly, and terrifyingly, degenerated into a vicious roar.

"WH-WHAT WAS THAT!" Red squealed, still running down the hallway and holding Pikachu, and did an about-face. Looking back at the darkness of the hall he ran from, Red suddenly remembered something. "...OH HELL! I left Charizard behind with those ghosts!!"

Dropping Pikachu to floor (who cursed out loud with pain), Red gazed painfully down the hall. "I... I have to go back! I gotta save Charizard!" he said, and was about to take a step when Pikachu held him back. "It's too late for him!" Pikachu stressed, grabbing onto Red's pant leg tightly. "Go back, and they'll take you too! We gotta get out of this place and warn the others!"

"B-But... My Pokemon..." Red whined, sniffling.

"We have to go RIGHT NOW! Come on, come on--"

"Ohh... Leaving so soon? We were only just getting started..." a dark, creepy, yet familiar voice said from behind them.

Red froze. "...Wh-Who said that?"

"Heehee... Heehee... What, you don't recognize your buddy...? Heehee..." the voice went on, sounding slightly distorted for some reason.

Gulping, both Red and Pikachu slowly turned around. The trainer gasped, and his face paled. "Li-Link! Wha-What happened to you?!"

"Heehee... Heehee..." The owner of the voice from before was, shockingly, Link. Only he looked much different. His clothing and skin had all turned either dark gray or black, and his eyes were glowing piercing red. "Hey... You guys... Heehee... Wanna play...? I don't bite... too much... Heehee..."

"H-He's been possessed!" Pikachu blurted out, shivering. "That's what they did to him! Link tried to fight them off, but he dropped his Master Sword, and th-they surrounded him, and... and... I don't even wanna think about it!"

"OH, CRAP!" was all Red could say.

Link (let's just call him Dark Link, so we don't get confused) staggered in a weird way towards the two, grinning maliciously. "Heehee... Hey, Little Red... Whatcha doing? Heehee..."

Red took a step backwards, sweating profusely and turning pure white. "M-Me?" he said in a voice barely above a squeak.

"Hey... Heehee... Come on, now... Why don't you come see how sharp my sword is? Heehee..." Dark Link said creepily, then slowly drew his sword. Frighteningly enough, it wasn't his normal Master Sword. It was dark-colored, with several jagged spikes protruding from the sides, and had a demonic motif to it. The mere sight of the blade made both Red and Pikachu flinch.

"H-H-Holy [BEEP!]..." both muttered, utterly terrified.

"And while I'm at it... Heehee... Why don't I see how much..." He paused, and Red gulped. "...BLOOD YOU HAVE! AHAHAHAHAHA!!"

"EEEEEEEEEEEK!!"

Sanity long since departed, Red and Pikachu turned and ran in the opposite direction as fast as humanly (and Pokemonly) possible. It never did occur to either that this was an extremely bad decision until they encountered some familiar "friends".

"DAMMIT! I FORGOT ABOUT THE GHOSTS CHASING US!" Red yelled as the forms of the three orange spectral entities came within view. In the darkness of the hall, the odd luminescence of the ghosts was pretty much the only thing lighting the hallway. Worst of all, there was another, familiar presence among the ghosts...

"N-NOOOO!" Red suddenly screamed, and Pikachu spared him a weirded-out glance until he noticed what was up. "Holy mother of...! They got HIM too!!"

The figure among the ghosts was none other than, da-da-dum, Charizard. Tragically, the ghosts had taken him like they did Link. His orange body was jet-black, and his eyes glowed a fierce yellow. The flame on his tail had somehow turned blue, also. The possessed Pokemon was uttering many low growls, and smirked devilishly upon sight of the two.

Red was agape, and his body lost all color from fear. "Ch-Ch-Charizard!! Wha-What have they DONE to you...?!"

"Heehar... Har... Heehee... Hee... Har... Hey, Red... That wasn't very nice of you to leave me behind like that..." Charizard said in an oddly dark and distorted voice, "Heehar... Guess I'll have to pay you back then... Heehee..."

"N-No thanks!" Red sputtered, backing away from the reptile, before realizing his closeness to Link and moved back. "Just write an IOU!"

"Heehee... Too bad... Har har... I seem to have forgotten a pen and paper... Heeheehee... Hee..."

The trainer gulped. Pikachu began saying his prayers while on one knee. Both soon were huddled against one another, cowering in fear as both groups of possessed maniacs slowly hobbled towards them.

And so, a tough decision awaited the terrified duo as they were converged on from both ends of the hallway. Should they let themselves be "taken" by the ghosts (possibly with unspeakable horrors awaiting) and consequently be killed by Charizard's fire? Or allow themselves to meet a deranged Link's new, demonic meat cleaver? (And get killed also?) Hmm, decisions, decisions...

"H-Hey! An escape route!"

...And although the author would've simply delighted in screwing with the lives of these two hapless Smashers, fate decided to intervene and allowed them to discover an accessible door to a random dorm room.

Throwing open the door--not even bothering to comment on the sheer plot convenience of this--Red dashed inside, closely followed by Pikachu, and slammed the door shut. Still shaking, Red did up all the locks (all 46 of them) to ensure that no one could get in.

To be even MORE sure, Pikachu started piling up a mountain of furniture in front of the door to hold back any forced entry. Desks, beds, baths, wardrobes, chairs, teacups, random junk, you name it, it was there, awkwardly piled up against the door.

Panting, the mouse Pokemon sighed with relief. "Phew... Thank the LORD... That'll hold 'em... Huff..."

Red curiously gazed around the dorm. "...Hey, whose room are we in, anyway?"

"Who cares? As long as we're safe, I wouldn't care if they cancelled the next Smash Bros. Tournament!"

"Be careful what you wish for..."

"I wasn't REALLY meaning that! Jeez! Such a killjoy..."

"...Wait, I just realized something..."

"Huh?"

"Doesn't Link have those exploding things? Uh, I think they're called--"

KA-BOOOOOOM!!

With a deafening sound, the door (and consequently the pile of stuff blocking said door) practically exploded into splinters of wood and metal, showering the whole room and obscuring the duo's view momentarily.

"--BOMBS! YAAAAARGH!!" Red finished, screaming shrilly, and covered his face to shield from the bombarding of splinters.

Finally, the dust cleared, and Red and Pikachu looked up at where the door USED to be. Pupils shrinking, both saw a dark, ominous figure standing in the doorway, eyes glowing redder than ever and with his sword held like an axe.

"HEEEEEEEEEERE'S LINKY! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

"N-N-NOT AGAIN!!" Pikachu wailed, recoiling in horror.

It was hopeless. Red and Pikachu were both trapped. Dark Link, soon followed by (Dark) Charizard and the ghosts, entered the room, and backed the two terrified Smashers against a wall.

Quailing, Red managed to stammer, "Th-There's nowhere to run! C-Come on, P-P-Pikachu! We h-have to fight our way o-out!" The trainer readied his other Pokemon, seeing as how there was no other way to escape, but Pikachu took a different course of action. "Oh, forget this!"

Cutting his losses, the mouse Pokemon turned and dashed away, jumping out of a conveniently placed open window.

It took Red a second to realize what had happened. "...HEY!" he exclaimed, and ran to the window as well. "Where the heck are you going?!"

"I'm GOING to LIVE!" Pikachu was heard shouting back. "Good luck with those ghosts!"

"You... YOU TRAITOR! HOW COULD YOU JUST LEAVE ME HERE LIKE--" Red was interrupted by a loud, bone-chilling sound to his left.CHI-THUNK! It sounded like something made of metal impacting with wood.

Scared out of his wits, the trainer slowly turned his head to the left, and managed a terrified squeal. Dark Link's sword was stuck in the wall, mere inches from his head, like it had just been hurled at it.

Gulping, Red slowly looked back towards the thrower, and his legs almost buckled from fright. Dark Link had his arm outstretched, and grabbed hold of the demonic sword's hilt before yanking it out of the wall. They weren't even an arms length apart.

"Ooh, looks like I missed... Heehee..." Dark Link said wistfully, then held the sword over his head as if ready to strike. "Oh, but don't worry... Heehee... I won't miss this time... Heehee..."

Swearing he felt his heart skip a beat or twenty, Red did the only sensible thing a person in his situation would do. Jump out the window. "SCREW THIS CRAP, I'M NOT GETTING KILLED BY GHOSTS!" he shouted as he tumbled out the window.

To be continued...

-------------------

AAAAAAAAAH, CLIFFHANGER. Well, I had to end Part 1 SOMEWHERE... So why not here? Will Red and Pikachu survive? What will happen now that ghosts have invaded the mansion? And how will the other Smashers react when THEY finally become of this? And will Master Hand EVER tell them all the "secret"...? Find out in Part 2! Coming soon!

Please let me know what you guys think. This is my first shot at Smash Bros. fanfcition, and I was kinda wondering if I did it right. xP Well, anyway...