da keepur of havok n hel

*sunny day in hell*
hades: muh cerbus you must go guard the gates to da underworld nao
cerbus: hades sama sir can i play some binding of isaac before I derp the thing
hades: no
cerbus: ;-;

*while later*
cerbus: hades sama sir i gdaurded da gates to da underwurl
hades: cerbus how many greek heroez did you let in today
cerbus: i didn let in any geek huroes sir
hades: ...
cerbus: ...
hades: you're sure?
cerbus: yus sir only ded soles
hades: well good. nao u hav to help orthus with his homework
cerbus: ;-;
achilles: *slices hades' head off in surprise attack*

*next day in hell, little bit humid*
hades: cerbus quit licking urself and go defeat some spiky-haired shounen
cerbus: i was going to spend some time with typoon today
hades: no
cerbus: ;-;

*while later*
hades: *stares into pot of servants' souls. cerbus is swimmin inside*
hades: the shounen protag vanquished u didnt he
cerbus: i don kno wat ur talkin bout
hades: cerbus.
cerbus: okay he pulled some power of frendship shit im sorry sir
hads: u literally have three heads don't sir me get outa there and finish him off
cerbus: ;-;
pit: HADES!

*next day in hell, raining blood cats and blood dogs*
hades: cerbus u need two stop messin up
hades: its like u have three heads an no brainz
cerbus: im sorry sir but the third head is bad.
cerbus third head: :S
cerbus: an the secn head havta surpres him
cerbus secn head: I want to fucking die.
cerbus: so its actally jus me
lernaean hydra: bro do you even lift
cerbus: ;-;

*while later, feels of assfodel*
cerbus: an i jus dont know wut too do, u know sissy face?
sissy face: *struggles with boulder*
cerbus: i dont know hao ta becom good dog
sissy face: *dry heaves*
cerbus: smtimes it fels as advers as liek tryin to walk uphill
cerbus: while pushin somethin hevy
cerbus: u know sissy face?
sissy face: *groans as muscles start giving out*
cerbus: wait i know i'll jus ask big brudder chimera
cerbus: he'll help me
cerbus: thx sissy face
sissy face: *screams as gets crushed by rock*

*montage speed later*
cerbus: big broder chimera i hav come to u
chimera: cerbus wat u want
cerbus: i wanna get good
chimera: cerbus ta git gud u havta do some quests
cerbus: like what ;-;
chimera: u havta do some quests liek stealin persephone's panties
cerbus: wat
chimera: it make u moar powerful
cerbus: ;-;

*nighttiem in hell. sitzens fall aslep peacefuly to screams of tortur*
cerbus: *outside persephone's chamber*
cerbus: i hope persephone doesn waek up
cerbus: *sneaks in*
cerbus: *finds dresser*
cerbus: ok feminin undrgarmints should be here.
cerbus third head: hurrrrr
persephone: *wakes up* cerbus wat u doin
cerbus: oh shit im screwd
cerbus: secn head wat do i do
cerbus secn head: Quit being such a screw up, Cerbus.
cerbus: ;-;
persephone: cerbus.
cerbus: persephomione am sorry was lookin for ur panties
persephone: cerbus thats gross.
cerbus: pls maam i need them to git gud
cerbus: so hades will tell me good dog
cerbus: its all i want
persephone: cerbus thats adorable
persephone: okay here take panties
persephone: and be good dog.
cerbus: thnk persephepephone

*dawn of next day in hell*
cerbus: chimera im back i got perseponie's panties.
chimera: ok good. hand them here
cerbus: *hands*
chimera: *laughs evilly*
cerbus: big broder chimera??
chimera: oh littl cerbus, you fool
chimera: now i have what i want
chimera: and you hav nuthing
cerbus: onii chan wat r u talkin bout
cerbus secn head: He fucking tricked you, Cerbus.
chimera: i used u two git persephone's panties
chimera: u fgt
chimera: youll never git gud
cerbus: ;-;
cerbus: chimera that was mean
chimera: lol dont care
cerbus: big brother i trusted u
cerbus: now wat do i do
cerbus secn head: Beat his lying ass, Cerbus.
chimera: ROFL! as if
cerbus: secn head ur rite
cerbus: if we beat chimera
cerbus: we git gud
cerbus third head:
cerbus: cerbus three heads activate
cerbus: TRIPLE BRIMSTONE BARRAGE!
cerbus: *looses devstating red lazors from each head*
chimera: AAAAAAGH!!!
cerbus: i fucking did it eat my shit

*while later, at hades castle*
cerbus: hades sama sir!
hades: cerbus where hav u been.
cerbus: hades sama sir i got gud!
cerbus: i beat chimera!
hades: cerbus wtf
cerbus: arent u goin to call me good dog???
hades: no
cerbus: ;-;
hades: now go guard da gates to teh underworld
cerbus: ok ;-;
heracles: *stabs hades in a surprise attack*