Kuda's DnD Stories

Compiling this all in one thread because yeah.

Spoiler: Previously on DnD

Spoiler: 11-15-15

Tonight in DnD: our illusionist successfully seduces a flesh golem

Spoiler: 1-13-16

Tonight in DnD

>Get transported to a water level in another dimension
>I immediately know what to do and tell everyone to get the fuck out of the water and onto the nearby island
>Most people listen to me
>Suddenly water monsters
>this one idiot decides to fight them
>this conversation:

"Terry get out of the water."
"But--"
"You are not going to like what's going to happen if you stay there."
"Well I want to kill the--"
"Terry--"
"-- Also I have a waterwalking spell--"
"TERRY"
"WHAT"
"I am going to say this one more time. If you do not get out of the FUCKING water whatever happens to your character is on you."
"okay"

>He doesn't get out of the water
>I shoot lightning into the water
>Everything in the water takes serious damage
>His character dies
>He blames it on me
>I fucking told him so

Spoiler: 4-13-16

Tonight in DnD was basically stealth mission.

Party: Kane (Orc? Druid-Paladin), Dirk (Human Fighter), Hunter (Minotaur Fighter), Zander (Shapeshifter Assassin), Ratliff (Dwarf Fighter), Lorelai (Human Fighter), the Doctor (Human Cleric), Dritz (Drow Fighter), Shii-Ra (Argonian Assassin), Thorn (Shii-Ra's pet Pseudodragon), Jason (Shapeshifter Ranger), Brother Oswald (Human Monk). We also had four characters sit out because the player wasn't here; Aurum (Kinder Illusionist), Lance (Aurum's Weretiger), Arya (Elf Mage), and Indigo (Centaur Cleric).

Situation: Our party sneaked into a Giant fortress. Last week we did some exploring and our Shapeshifters turned into snakes and poisoned the two guards. The party was rather spread out across the fortress, we'd killed some giants here and there.

This week:
-- Another guard comes down, drunk, is poisoned by Jason, gets a concussion from Ratliff, falls over while trying to swat Jason off, and finally dies when Ratliff swings a hammer into his balls.
-- Terry's characters (Kane Dirk Hunter) go accidentally wake up a couple of sleeping giants and eventually kill them.
-- The Doctor unleashes a Flame Strike into a room of 12 teenaged giants and kills them all, setting the /wooden room/ on fire in the process.
-- Jason as a wolf attempts to ding dong ditch the main room of giants with no success
-- Shii-Ra and Thorn go stealth mission incarnate- Shii-Ra tries to distract the cooks by making noise at the kitchen door while Thorn attempts to poison the food. This works surprisingly well and because Shii-Ra is under a cloak of darkness and is using his claws to gouge the wood in the hallway, half the kitchen staff think the place is fucking haunted.

Spoiler: 4-27-16

Well, DnD tonight was intense. We had multiple deaths/near-deaths before we finally took down the Cloud Giant and things started looking up.

Spoiler: 9-7-16

Tonight in DnD:

Lots of natural 1s and 20s, leaning heavily in our favor. One of our assassins, Zander, even gets two auto-kill crits in a row.

We start exploring an ice cave to confront some Frost Giants. After encountering and defeating a group of yetis, our monk and my assassin Shii-Ra go exploring some tunnels.

Background context: Shii-Ra is an Argonian/Sarkiri import who has a pet Pseudodragon named Thorn. Because Shii-Ra is my Skyrim main, whenever he falls to 25% HP (16 in this case) he gets to use the Fire Breath shout, which does Fame Strike damage (8d8 + 3). Because we're fighting creatures of ice, his Fire Breath does 50% more damage.

So the monk runs into a group of three Frost Giants, who start to chase him through the tunnels. Shii-Ra encounters a group of 4, who immediately bring him down to 16 HP, getting a crit on him that breaks his jaw so that he can still breath fire but not speak coherently. He kills all four at once with two Fire Breaths, but the force of his attack causes a cave in which grazes him for 6 damage, bringing him to 10.

Then one of the three giants chasing the monk notices Shii-Ra and approaches to attack him. After a failed Intimidation check by Thorn, Shii-Ra one-shots the giant with Fire Breath, causing another cave-in which hits for 14 damage, bringing him to -4 HP and rendering him unconscious. Because Thorn is so small, he fits in the little space left between Shii-Ra, the giant, and the chunks of ceiling and only takes 1 damage.

Because Pseudodragons are telepathic, he starts calling to our cleric for help. While the rest of the party kills the remaining giants, Thorn digs into Shii-Ra's pack and pours a healing potion down Shii-Ra's throat, bringing him back up to 10 HP. Shii-Ra huddles under the giant and ice-rock to keep warm because he is a reptile, and the party reaches the cave-in.

After several minutes of trying to figure out how to get Shii-Ra out, I realize that we do in fact have a Transmute Rock to Mud spell and end up using that, letting us dig Shii-Ra out.

And that is the story of how Shii-Ra very nearly died taking out five Frost Giants single-handedly.

Spoiler: 9-14-16

Tonight in DnD:

We loot the caves we were in last session, getting a fair amount of gold and mammoth tusks. Then we find a pair of snow leopards who attack our dwarf. Jason uses Animal Friendship on them and it works, but Ratliff (the dwarf) knocks one out cold. It takes some convincing for him to leave the other one, now Jason's pet, alone.

We keep exploring and come to a room with six frost giants. As most of the party coordinates and organizes, Shii-Ra goes to the other entrance to flank... and comes upon a giant who was trying to flank us. A few Fireballs and melee attacks later, that giant is dead and Ratliff is at very low health. A critical hit knocks him down to -7 HP, and he goes unconscious.

Shii-Ra emerges into the cavern to try to draw fire away from our cleric and get his health down to 16 or lower for his fire breath. He unsuccessfully tries to grapple a giant, but he gets hit and taken down to 9 HP, unlocking his fire.

That giant got scorched.

Meanwhile Zander and Jason are dealing with the last two giants as our cleric heals Ratliff. Ratliff actually needs to be restrained until the cleric heals him AGAIN, and then he gets to enter the fight again.

Fails his Dexterity throw and slips on the ice, faceplanting into the ground.

Last couple of giants die. My mage, who did absolutely nothing in the second half of the battle, does a fistpump and yells "Yay team!"

After the battle, as we're healing up, Ratliff gets all sentimental and this happens:


Ratliff: I just want to thank all of you for helping and dealing with my impulsiveness...

Jason (who has known Ratliff the longest- they're the last two of the original party): Who are you and what have you done with Ratliff?

Ratliff: I'm just so grateful for you guys...

Ratliff goes to hug our cleric, who sighs.

Jason: Are you drunk again?

Ratliff goes to hug Jason, who keeps him at arm's length.

Jason: Don't.

Ratliff: Alright, buddy.

Ratliff slaps Jason in the shoulder.

Ratliff: Now let's go bash in some giant skulls!

Shii-Ra: Well, that lasted all of two seconds.

Spoiler: The Cast

Spoiler: Active Party (Currently level 10)

My characters: (All of these are Manaverse imports except for two, though I play them differently than I would in the Manaverse)
-- Jason, Shapeshifter Ranger, turns into animals, has a pet Snow Leopard, and is wearing a dragon skull as a helmet atm. One of the original 8.
-- Shii-Ra, Argonian/Sarkiri Assassin, breathes fire at 25% HP
---- Thorn, Shii-Ra's pseudodragon pet, basically a telepathic poisonous cat at this point
-- Aravera, Ereva Mage, summons demons
-- Zander, Shapeshifter Assassin, lucky motherfucker previously played by Rachel

Terry's characters:
-- Kane, Human? Druid-Paladin, also turns into animals and keeps almost dying
-- Dirk, Orc Fighter, has a talking sword
-- Hunter, Minotaur Fighter, bland as fuck chracter
-- Brother Oswald, Human Monk, switches players often, previously known as Brother Paco

"Communal" characters: (played by GM with directions from party)
-- The Doctor, Human Cleric, previously played by Rachel
-- Ratliff, Dwarf Fighter, previously played by Rachel and has a love-hate relationship with Jason. One of the original 8.

Spoiler: These characters died

My characters:
-- Lokx, Kobold Assassin, had a pet bird and was basically a walking key. Had the personality of one too. I ended up purposely-on-accident killing him so I could replace him with Shii-Ra. Was ambushed by six Gnolls and died running into a curtain.

Terry's characters:
-- Trevor, Human Mage, one-shot by a Stone Golem. Had a dog. One of the original 8.
-- Jude, Human Paladin, got his arm cut off and ended up sacrificing himself to save the party.
-- Jasmine, Elf Druid, had a dog that died in a fall and came back as a zombie and died again in a fire. Jasmine herself got turned into a zombie, was cured later, then picked up a cursed axe and killed one of our fighters so we had to kill her. We leveled up from that, too. One of the original 8.
-- Jackson, Elf Druid, Jasmine's brother who died in some not spectacular way I don't remember.
-- Mordekai, Human Mage, one of the original 8. Died because Terry wasn't listening to us to group with the rest of the party and was cornered by Flesh Golems.
-- Chronos, Minotaur Paladin, lost an arm and was kicked out of the party. Later came back for revenge and we killed him.
-- Asgar, Orc Fighter, left the party to marry a giant and was later killed by other giants

Isaiah's characters:
-- Bludar, Human Ranger, died when Isaiah was moving and we let him go out with a bang. One of the original 8.

Rachel's characters:
-- Mel, Human Fighter, killed by Jasmine. One of the original 8.
-- Steeg, Human Cleric, was sometimes played by GM. Eaten by hags. One of the original 8.

Other characters:
-- Brom, Human Mage, drowned

Spoiler: The players no longer play

Rachel's characters:
-- Lorelai, Human Fighter, once killed a giant by going ethereal and going into his ungs, then cutting her way out with a halberd

JeeEun's characters:
-- Arya, Elf Mage, had a threesome with the others
-- Aurumn, Kinder Illusionist, snarky asshole, threesome with the others
---- Lance, Weretiger Fighter, kept in a magical bag by Aurum
-- Indigo, Centaur Cleric, threesome with the others.

Chris's characters:
-- Drizzt, Drow Fighter, literally a Dunmer
---- Guinevere, Drizzt's Astral Panther

 

AND NOW, LAST NIGHT IN DND

I was sick the previous session so I come back to find we're fighting a Rhemoraz (basically a giant ice worm with fins). I have the archers spread out to try to split its attention, but then it dies, explodes, and damages all of the melee characters who had gone up to attack it.

We continue exploring and Kane finds a little alcove that on further inspection, its wall is a boulder being used as a door. We open the entrance and a voice shouts out at us, "Oh, don't even BOTHER coming in here!" We pause, surprised, and the voice continues, "I know you're out there. I'm NOT doing it. Nope. I don't care HOW much gold he's giving me."

Terry calls back, "Who are you? Why don't you come out and fight us?"

The voice replies, "You have NO right to speak to me like that!"

Now, keep in mind we're in a network of ice caves and tunnels going after Frost Giants. We've had certain things hinted at us throughout this area. So the first thing I say is,

"I think we just found a dragon."

After I mention this to Terry, the voice seems to change his mind and says, "You know what, actually, go ahead and come in here. I KNOW you're all out there. So come in! Maybe I won't eat you." Then a silver platter gets thrown into the wall we can see, and then the voice laughs.

So naturally I have everyone else stay behind while Jason turns into a Pseudodragon and heads inside. It is indeed an Ancient White Dragon and at level 10 I do NOT want to fight this thing. The dragon notices Jason, seems to become curious, and a conversation ensues in which Jason is very carefully dancing around the dragon's ego to try to keep it from attacking. Eventually the dragon, Frigidus, becomes bored and calls the rest of the party in. Without much choice, we enter the cavern.

Frigidus magics up a table and beverages which, after rolling a few checks, we can tell are not poisoned in any way, so we cautiously accept the offer. Frigidus looks over the party, commenting on the fact that we have two Pseudodragons (technically one but Jason didn't change back), the fact that Aravera can summon demons, the fact that we have a dwarf, etc. At some point Frigidus's mate- a Very Old female White Dragon who doesn't seem to talk- appears and sits right in front of the entrance, blocking escape.

Frigidus, with us at a disadvantage, tries to "negotiate" with us- he'll let us go in peace if we give him our treasure and magical items. But we quickly derail off that topic as we ask him how he got there, how long he's been there, his relationship with the Frost Giants, etc. Turns out the king of the Frost Giants considers Frigidus and his mate his "pets" and Frigidus doesn't like that. Most of the other characters pick up on Jason's uncharacteristic nervousness and take it as a sign that 1. Jason knows how to deal with dragons and 2. this is not a situation we want to fight in. At some point Terry tries to ask Frigidus if he knows our Gold Dragon ally, and the DM laughs as I have an immediate minor freakout and explain to Terry why telling a Chromatic Dragon we have a Metallic Dragon ally is a horrible idea.

We eventually get to the point where Frigidus is willing to use collateral: we give him treasure, he lets us go, we come back with the Frost Giant king's head, he gives us our treasure back. I can't remember offhand if White Dragons keep their word or not, but at this point Jason succeeds a spot check and notices a bad battle scar on Frigidus's head. Asking about it, it's revealed that it's an old wound to the head that impairs his memory, magic, and intelligence.

I get an idea. Dragons have a long memory for insults and grudges, so it stands to reason the same follows for favors and gifts as well. After some trying to figure out how to do this, because healing potions won't work and our Cleric knows the dragon's wound is beyond him, I realize: Jason has a Ring of 2 Wishes. So after asking the DM how Wish works, I write this down, verbatim:

I wish for Frigidus's scars and injuries to be fully healed, as if they never existed- although he will still remember we have healed him- to an extent that he is satisfied with our gift of goodwill. Merry Christmas, Frigidus.

Frigidus likes what we've done for him and (in between me trying to convince Terry NOT to ask Frigidus for a favor) cuts our collateral to half of the treasure we would have had to give him as collateral, with the knowledge we'd still get it back when the Frost Giant king was dead. The DM hints that this was very well-handled and will become highly beneficial for us later, so I infer that I did good and we accept Frigidus's terms.



tl;dr Dungeons and Dragons turned into Diplomacy and Dragons

 

The DM left so we're not doing DnD anymore but have a recording of a super old session I still have on my YT account.


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZqsv0dmkxU